How to do a family Secret Santa
Big families often switch to Secret Santa because buying for every cousin, sibling and in-law gets expensive and stressful. Each person buys one thoughtful gift instead of a dozen small ones. Here's how to set it up so it feels fair, includes everyone, and keeps the fun of Christmas morning.
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Decide who's in
Start by agreeing who takes part. Common setups are adults only, everyone over a certain age, or one draw for adults and a separate one for kids. Talk about it early, ideally at Thanksgiving or in the family group chat, so nobody is surprised. Some families keep gifts for young children outside the Secret Santa entirely, so kids still get a gift from each household.
Keep couples and households apart
The point of a family exchange is usually to give to someone you don't already buy for. Use exclusions so partners, and often people who live in the same house, can't draw each other. With Secret Santa Claws, add one pair per line, like "Mom + Dad". Exclusions work both ways, and if they make a draw impossible you'll see a clear message rather than a bad draw.
Want to stop the same pairings coming up year after year? Add last year's matches as exclusions too.
A budget that works across generations
Family members are in very different places: students, young parents and retired grandparents. Pick one budget that the person with the tightest budget can manage, and make it clear that handmade gifts, baking and experiences are welcome. Some families set the budget per person drawn, while others set a household budget. If you're unsure, a gentle private check with a few people helps.
Gift ideas by budget: under $25 and under $50. Ideas by person: family, men, women and teens.
A separate kids' draw
Kids love having their own Secret Santa. Run a second exchange just for the cousins, with a small budget and a parent helping each child shop. Keep exclusions for siblings so nobody draws their brother or sister. Younger kids can describe their wishlist to a parent, who types it into their link. Our Secret Santa questionnaire has kid-friendly questions.
Relatives who live far away
Online draws make it easy to include family in other cities or countries. Send each person their link by text, WhatsApp or email, whatever they already use. Agree on a "ship by" date, and ask people to keep shipped gifts wrapped until the day. If someone can't be there in person, have them open their gift on a video call. See virtual Secret Santa for shipping tips.
Grandparents and less techy relatives
Nobody needs an account or an app. A link opens in any phone browser. If a relative doesn't use a smartphone, another family member can open their link with them, or the organizer can read their giftee's name to them privately. Their wishlist can be typed in by anyone who has their link. Step-by-step help is in how to do Secret Santa by text.
Family Secret Santa traditions
- Guess your Santa: before opening, everyone guesses who drew them.
- Clue cards: Santas leave three clues on the tag; see our card message ideas.
- Theme years: books, homemade, local, or "something to do together".
- Stocking-style: instead of one gift, fill a stocking with small things within budget.
- Pair it with a game from our gift exchange games list.
Frequently asked questions
How does a family Secret Santa work?
Everyone who's taking part is randomly assigned one family member to buy for, usually with couples and households excluded from drawing each other. Each person buys one gift within an agreed budget.
Should kids be included in a family Secret Santa?
Many families run a separate kids' draw with a smaller budget, or keep young children outside the exchange so they still get gifts from each household.
How do you stop spouses drawing each other?
Add exclusions. On Secret Santa Claws, type each pair on its own line, like "Mom + Dad", and the draw will never match them.
What is a good budget for a family Secret Santa?
Pick an amount the person with the tightest budget can comfortably manage. Many families land between $25 and $50 for adults and lower for kids.
Can relatives who live far away join?
Yes. Each person gets a link that works on any phone, so you can include relatives anywhere and have gifts shipped.
Related
Secret Santa Claws is run by Feral Scholar Media, LLC, which puts part of its earnings toward its own trap-neuter-return (TNR) work for feral cats, starting in India, where about $20 gets a street cat fixed and vaccinated. We are a business, not a registered charity, so using the site or buying through it is not a tax-deductible donation. About us
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